Yesterday I watched a Hollywood film titled " Alex of Venice," that depicted a crisis in the life of a career oriented workaholic woman with a 10 year old kid. The woman called as "Alex," and her husband, it seems, had agreed several years earlier to reverse the roles and the woman taking over the job of the bread winner and the husband that of home maker. The crisis came about, when on one morning, the husband was gone, he had just walked out of the family.
If I would have watched this film in my young age, probably I would have considered it as fiction and not something that depicts true life. But not now! I have seen such kind of things happening in the life of a few friends and acquaintances. I am not much of a rumourmonger, when it comes to things said in whispers and tend to discard such stories in the first place. But these things did happen and I had to accept them. I am mentioning theses incidences here, because these are closely connected with a period of life, which I want to discuss here and all of us go though.
The first news is about a person in his early fifties. Well educated, happily married so far, two kids doing well in their studies, successful profession etc. etc. In short a predominantly successful person. This person and his wife, all of a sudden have applied for a divorce by mutual consent. It was very difficult to believe this news because I always had thought that they were a normal and happy couple that loved each other. When I heard this news therefore, I could not believe it, yet it appears to be true.
The
second incidence happened in the life of an another person, similar
age, wife highly learned and having a top job. This man demanded a
divorce from his wife, which she refused. This person then brought in a
mistress in his own house and is staying with her openly along with
his legal wife. Since all acquaintances know about this relationship,
no one really bothers to make any inquiries. Frankly, I must admit that
I have never tried to find out the truth behind this incidence.
I
am mentioning these two incidences here because I know these two
persons well and can vouch that they have so far led a very normal
life. Otherwise, we all know, that such incidences keep occurring all
times and for every generation. I remember another incidence, that had
happened at least 10 years before. Few of us friends had gathered on
some occasion. A lady was suddenly introduced to me as a would be wife
of another person in his fifties, whom I have known for years. For a
moment I was stunned, because I remembered that I had attended the
marriage of this guy few years earlier. When they were away, a
relative of mine, sensing my discomfort, explained to me that this guy
had divorced his first wife and was trying to re- enter matrimony
again. I had, just a few weeks back, met his first wife in a shop, and
had no inkling that she had already divorced him. This was the real
cause of my complete surprise.
I
had read about this 'Mid Life Crisis' in magazines earlier and had
always thought about it, as a fad, which is given undue importance, in
western societies. I am now forced to admit, after seeing all these
examples, that this is not a western lifestyles only linked crisis,
but also is very much part of the life of a modern Indian adult too.
Karl
Jung, a well known psychologist, was first able to give an accurate
description of this state of mind for us humans. He says that this
state of mind is an invariable situation that comes in the life of each
and every person, whether a woman or a man, in the age group of 40 to
50. Every person in this age group starts feeling an emotional upheaval
or a change of phase. Most of us are able to conquer upon the
situation by taking a review of the past life and make changes in the
daily routine. This enables us to beat this emotional upheaval. Certain
individuals do find the situation overpowering them and are unable to
get out of this impasse. Such persons develop sometimes a complete
dislike about their lifestyle or in some cases get bored of the other
persons in their lives, which may also include their spouses. They many
a times feel that all the decisions taken by themselves so far in
life, have proved to be dismally wrong and want to embark upon some new
adventure in life. This state of mind can sometimes lead to a dislike
of the married spouse. They start to feel that they have been
captivated in this lifestyle because of the married spouse and feel
they never really loved him or her. They feel like developing intimate
relationship with some other person.
If
the spouse of such a person is considerate and of adjustable nature,
he or she would make changes in her or his own life to accommodate the
spouse and take care that the life he or she has spent together for so
many years with his or her spouse does not ship wreck. Usually after
this phase of life is over, the couple reverts back to their old life
style.
Unfortunately,
if the spouse is also going through such an upheaval himself or is
too adamant to make any changes in his own career or daily routine, the
situation may lead to an impasse and may result into a break-up.
In
today's society, it has become imperative for every couple in their
40's and 50's to be watchful and be aware when one's spouse is going
through a mid life crisis and change his or her own lifestyle to
accommodate the disturbed state of mind of the spouse. If this is not
done, we may have a large number of broken up families commonly seen
today in western societies.
22 May 2015
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